The Yearend Post That Never Was

It’s January 10, more than a week into 2015. The hunt is on for the gunmen at the Charlie Hebdo shooting. Marian Rivera and Dingdong Dantes are on the sixth day of their [royal] honeymoon. And in six days Pope Francis will be landing in NAIA and touring the streets of Manila and Yolanda-affected towns in Visayas. A lot of things have already happened in this Year of the Wooden Sheep and they’re happening fast.

Still, I haven’t capped off my 2014.

I remember around the third week of December when I was putting together this post, and I had to pause and go… whaaat? 2014 has ended? Just like that?! And it wasn’t in a happy, time-flies-when-you’re-having-fun tone.

Pretentions aside, the year sort of ended with a thud.

Don’t get me wrong, 2014 was eventful. It was the year of my first  trip out of the country – a two-week backpacking adventure in Indochina at that. Spent a month-long vacation in the US, with my sisters, touring the rocky mountains of Arizona and walking (drunk) the streets of Las Vegas. It was a great year for local travels, too. Twice kissed by the cool winds of Baguio, twice back in Siargao’s arms, said hello to Mt. Banahaw in Quezon, and had my first date with the island of Marinduque for a probinsya-living kinda labor weekend.

2014 was an exciting year for work, not exactly with my day job but with sidelines so to speak. Started the year with a really big project – my most serious raket to date- for an international organization (getting a contract written in English and French is just sooo cool). Took up some serious writing gigs along the year, too, and of course there’s my constant brain exercise contributing articles to a local men’s magazine (come to think of it, I’ve been doing it for four years now, and no, the articles I do have nothing to do with sex positions.)

It was a great year for my family as well. Aside from spending the holidays together again after five years, it was year of milestones and accomplishments for my siblings. New house, new car, flourishing business, steady relationships. Even though Ma got sick and sorta crossed the old age fence, I guess it’s a consolation for her to see her kids in a good place.

Most importantly, it was a year when I got serious with God. Nakakatawa. Even I can’t say it out loud without the utter look of amusement and surprise, haha. In a very good way of course.

But somehow, I just couldn’t shake off the feeling of expecting, wanting more.

My friend got married last December - the first of my close girlfriends to change her civil status, other friends have gotten promotions this year, got their own car, my younger sister is going to UK next month for a business trip. And me? Nada. No breakthroughs, no milestones. Heck, Google is getting people to plan commercial flights to the moon and here I feel like I’m still trying to figuring things out.

Since when did the future turn from being a promise to being a threat? So goes a line from one of my favorite Palahniuk books.

There are good years and there are bad years. I know I’ve had ‘em both kinds. The worst year is the type that seemed to fly by. Without much accomplishments tucked under your belt.

I remember our Pastor’s sermon for the first Sunday service of the year, he said the theme of 2015 is one step at time.

He went on telling the story of Roy Reigels during the 1929 Rose Bowl. Reigels was a player for the University of California, Berkley, who was known for his infamous “wrong way” goal. Basically he ran yards and almost scored for the opposing team if he weren’t tackled by, you guessed it, his own teammate.

Our Pastor started talking then about knowing and going the right direction. How easy it is to go on life aimlessly. But if you’re not really sure where you’re headed, you’ll end up being ran down terribly and making a big fool of yourself. It sort of made sense.

He continued with the story. During halftime, in the pit, Reigel’s coach announced that the same people who played the first half, will go on the second half. Reigel, feeling like sh*t of course, didn’t get up to play. Any person in his reasonable mind wouldn’t probably want a guy like Reigels to go out and eff up again. But his coach insisted. Telling Reigels that sure he messed up the game, and made a complete bafoon of himself, but the thing is - it’s only half time. Get back on the game. Keep playing.

I guess I like to think of 2014 as a big game. And sure it’s ended, and that sucks, but it’s only half time. Get your ass back in the game. Keep playing. It's something I have to remind myself as this year begins to unfold. 

For everyone whose 2014 felt like they’ve been sidetracked, went the wrong way, or went lagging 

behind – the game isn’t over yet. 2015 is another 365 days. 365 new hopes to wake up to. 365 challenges to overcome. 365 chances to make things happen. 365 promises to be fulfilled.

Well, 355 left to be exact. But that’s more than enough.

Like the leaves yet to turn and change color, we're halfway there. | October 2014. Grand Canyon National Park, AZ.

You’ll get there. We all will. One step at a time.